Proud

I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, yet!

I’ve got several new things going on…kind of. Number one, most important – I joined Snap Fitness.

Number 2, I gained some weight, now I’m back down a little again. I will update my weight history page. I’m not sure how the gain happened… well, I know how, but it was a bit surprising.

Number 3, I am completely forgeting about my past life style/dieting changes and tries in the past. Fresh slate. Not looking back. I can’t. If I do, I’ll think of myself as a failure and be upset, and not focus on the important things like I should be. I find I have a whole new outlook on what has been going on, and truthfully 100% in my heart feel that I am ready to make this choice. I feel like for me, for my future, for my future family, and for myself and my husband, this is the best choice for me right now. I have decided to look at “dieting” as just, life. Life at that. I’m not going to tell myself I have to make any changes, I’m not going to refer to it as dieting. I’m going to refer to it as many other people do, and that is a “life style”. It’s life, it’s part of it. In dieting, if you tell me that I cannot have something to eat, I’m going to crave it. Right? And then that’s when I cave and eat “that” thing that I supposidly cannot have… and then it all goes down hill from there. You all know how that works, right? So, this whole new outlook, has been great… and this weekend, it has really really worked well. We were up north this weekend and that is usually a huge problem for me… instead, it was great. I was able to enjoy certain things, but I enjoyed them in moderation, and I listened to my body for when I was completely full, then I stopped. I wasn’t miserable, I wasn’t changing into my comfy pants from my jeans because I couldn’t stand the full feeling… I was just fine, for once.

I am really feeling good about this change, about everything that is going on. I truthfully in my heart feel that I am very ready for this. I feel more ready than I ever have – even prior to when I did LA Weight Loss. I feel more ready than I did 2 weeks ago… I didn’t feel like I was doing it for myself. I didn’t see the benefits in it like I should have. I had all these books and DVDs and workout games and online subscriptions and every “fad” diet pill in the book, and I tried doing little things… but in the end? In the end I was just trying to talk myself into making something work that doesn’t. Sure DVDs like the 30 Day Shred, and TBL’s Cardio Max and The Wii Fit and the bodybugg DO work, but they’re not going to do it for me, I have to be 100% in my head with this and now I finally am. Now, I have my 30 Day Shred, my TBL Cardio Max and my Wii Fit for when I don’t go to the gym. I still wear my bodybugg every day, I still use it faithfully – that I will not change, because that tells me everything I have burned for the day, and that is what keeps me motivated. Except now? I’m tossing all of my Biggest Loser books to a nice place to use as reference when I need them, I’ll use my Wii Fit when I’m looking for something to do at night and when I want to have a little fun, and I’m going to use that stuff when I feel the time is right. It’s not a game, it’s a life style… and it’s one that I can do. I know that.

For the first time in about 2-3 years, I feel like I should feel… I am proud. I am proud of how I feel during the day. I am proud to say where I am at in life. I am proud that I am married to someone who I could sometimes strangle but who I know loves me when every fiber of his being. I am proud that have a job that I love and that it was a goal I had set for myself in 2005, I told myself I was GOING to be that Underwriter, I was bound and determined… and I did it, I succeded my goal 3 years after my start date. I am proud that I have made this 100% honest choice to be the person who I want to be. Not who ANYBODY else wants me to be. I am me, and that will never ever change. I was also SO focused on “what does everyone think about me?” “will they accept me?” “Will I fit in?” “I can’t lose any weight.” I could come up with every excuse in the book if I really really tried, it really wasn’t that hard. You know just as well as I do.

And with that, I have joined Thin and Healthy Total Solutions through Snap Fitness – where I work out. 78 people at our small little gym are doing T&H and I see real life results, they are AMAZING! I am finding 100% joy in this, and I have spent the last week at Snap – 3 days per week, that is all. For now, that is my goal – I am not going to say I will be there 5 days a week, because then I won’t – I will set myself up to fail. My parents are going to the same Snap as well, and my mom and I carpool. I go right there after work and I am home by 6pm – with an hour workout completed for the day. My parents graciously offered to pay for my monthly membership because they know how bad I want this, and they want me to be healthy too. They know all to well that I am just like them and when I get home, I plop my butt on the couch and that is where I am for the night. I get that, I understand that and I am so thankful that they offered such an incredible gift for me. I am taking this with everything I got, and running with it. Another thing I love about T&H is that you weigh in 3 times per week!! THREE! I have NO excuses to keep making good choices – like today, I know I have to weigh in! And Wednesday and Friday! It is exactly what I needed.

And with that, I have a goal to lose 76 lbs. 76 lbs would bring me to my goal of 170 lbs. After I hit 170 lbs, I will see where I go from there – my time frame to lose it is 9 months however I am not banking on that – yes, it would be awesome, but I’ll get to 170 when I get there – I’m not going to stress myself out about it. Maybe I will be completely content there, maybe I will find myself wanting to lose just 5 more, and 5 more and 5 more. Time will tell, I am not sure where I will go from there – but 170 is my goal and if I can get there and stay within 5-10 lbs of 170, I will be extremely proud. Heck I will be extremely proud if I continue to lose (I keep typing loser on accident, ha!). I’m just so proud of where I stand today, and how I feel about my life, myself and my future.

The Thin & Healthy Total Solution life style plan consists kind of like LA Weight Loss, only working out is involved. I believe eating different is going to give you weight loss, however to keep it off, you have to incorporate fitness into your every day living. Even if it is 15 minutes to a half hour… if you want to live a long healthy prosperous life, you have to have activity. T & H tells you what types of food to eat for the day, it takes you through stages, it explains everything to you. I paid for 2 years, $26 a month – that is incredibly cheap compared to LA Weight Loss!! Yay! My first plan/phase is 4 days. It is kind of like the cleansing phase, although different. Here is my meal plan:

Breakfast: Day 1 & 3
Cereal
1 cup 1/2% or skim milk or non-fat yogurt
1 Fruit
Decaf/Sugar Free Beverage

Breakfast: Day 2 & 4
1 Protein
2 Slices 40 Cal bread
1 Fruit
1 tsp Simply Fruit (optional)
Decaf/Sugar Free Beverage

Lunch: Every day
4 oz Meat
2 Slices 40 cal bread or 1/2 pita bread or 1 fat-free tortilla
1/2 C. Fat Free Cottage Cheese or non-fat yogurt or 1 oz fat free chz slice
Unlimited Vegetables Raw or Steamed
Decaf/Sugar Free Beverage

Snack: Every day
I can pick from 1 of the following below.

Dinner: Every day
4 oz Meat
1 Med Baked Potato or 1/2 cup rice
1 Fruit
Unlimited Vegetables Raw or Steamed
Decaf/Sugar Free Beverage

Evening Snack: Every day
Choose from 1 of the snacks below.

*Food I can choose from!*
Cereal’s: 1 cup Puffed Wheat, 1 Cup Puffed Rice, 1 Cup Shredded Wheat, 1/2 Cup Fiber one, 1 Cup Kix, 1 Cup Cheerios, 1 Cup Corn Flakes, 1/2 Cup All Bran Extra Fiber, 1 Cup Regular Oatmeal, 1 Pkg T & H Oatmeal, or 2 rice cakes
Fruit’s: 15 grapes, 1 1/4 cup strawberries, 1/2 cup peaches, 1/2 banana, 1/2 cup pineapple, 1 small apple, 1 small kiwi
Protein’s: 1 egg (poached, boiled, scrambled, fried in Pam), 2 egg white omelet, 1/4 cup Egg Beaters
Meat’s: 4 oz seafood, 4 oz poultry, 4 oz lean beef, 4 oz veal, 1/4 cup tofu – 1 oz meat, 1 cup lentils = 2 oz meat, 2 Tbsp reduced fat peanut butter
Snack’s: 2 Rice cakes, Raw Veggies (unlimited), T&H Supplements, T&H bar
Spices: 0 fat grams, any spices that do not contain sugar such as Mrs. Dash, Molly McButter, Vanilla, Fresh or dried herbs (dill, oregano, parsley, tarragon, chives), pepper, lite salt, paprika, chili powder
Things I can Use Daily: Fat-Free Margarine, Fat-Free Mayonnaise, Fat-Free Sour Cream, Fat-Free Salad Dressing.

Today’s Meal Plan – Monday April 6th, 2009
Breakfast:
1 Cup Oatmeal – Plain
1 Cup Skim Milk
1/2 Banana
Water

Lunch:
2 Slices 40 Cal Bread
2 Tbsp RF Peanut Butter
Bowl of Steamed Green Beans
15 Grapes
Water

Snack:
2 Chocolate Crunch Rice Cakes

Dinner:
4 oz lean beef
1 small/med baked potato with fat free sour cream and fat free margarine
Steamed broccoli with FF Margarine
1/2 banana
Water

Snack:
Celery sticks or a few baby carrots

So, as you can see – it has everything laid out. This is for the first four days. I want to try to post everything on here that I am eating per day.

Also, in other news – when I was mentioning my sleep studies… actually now that I look back, I briefly mentioned. I’ll update you all… I went in and had my sleep study and was not diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I didn’t have enough apneas through the night to be considered someone that needed treatment… however, my doctor was very concerned with some of my sleep habits and my Epworth Sleep Scale Score and my history of fainting/blacking out so she referred me to have another sleep study, this time an MSLT Study which is a day time sleep study. I took five 35 minute naps every hour and a half. My doctor was concerned about the chance of me having narcolepsy. I completely my nap study, and after 5 naps, I had REM sleep in 2 of the 5, and in the 5 naps it took me 6 minutes to fall asleep. A normal person without narcolepsy falls asleep right around 15 minutes after going to bed, and that person ALSO does NOT have ANY REM sleep during those five 35 minute naps. So, needless to say – I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy and given a prescription of Add*erall 20mg BID PRN (twice daily, as needed). My first day on Add*erall was last Friday, and I can already tell what a difference this medication is making in my daily life – I am SO glad to finally have an answer to my daily life – troubles, tiredness, non-focus, etc. Thank God!

My husband Chris has also started with me. He weighs 280 lbs and although he doesn’t look like he weighs that much (he has a lot of muscle) he still does not like that number, and he would like to see himself around 240 and more muscle which I completely get. He’s sick of being tired and irritable all the time too, and being out of breath walking up the stairs, etc. I understand that, and I get that… and I’m so proud of him for wanting to change too. He joined the gym at work and last week worked out 3 days of the week after work. His carpooler though I don’t think will want to continue working out at the gym and if that discontinues, Chris is going to join Snap too! I think he would love it there… there are several more weight machines than at his work and it would give him a chance to meet more people! Yay for that! He bought ALL groceries for this week to eat all 6 meals (snacks too) a day.

This is going to pay off, I have no doubt!