Facing the Truth February 18, 2009

Today, February 18th, at 10:00am I had a doctor’s appointment. My yearly exam to be exact… I was a little terrified for how it would go as I know my health has done a downward spiral since last summer. I’ve gained weight, I’m consistently tired, I quit breathing at night during my sleep – Chris wakes me up at least once a night that I have quit breathing, I have passed out or nearly passed out at least a half dozen times since the 1st of the year, I am out of breath in a matter of minutes doing any sort of physical activity, and I have steadily been gaining weight.

I was at the doctor about 2 months ago, weighed in at 232. Today’s weigh in? 242. Last night I was 236.2 – well, before I ate a BLT with cheese, no tomato and a ton of deep fried cheese curds, which then I weighed ohh 238. I was clothed today when I weighed in at 242 at the doctor’s office, but I don’t care. It’s still two hundred and fourty two pounds, when this time last year I weighed closed to 215-220. That is not cool. I am not okay with that.

It makes me so made to know that I got down to 212 lbs in January 2008. Thirteen pounds away from the 199 mark. THIRTEEN. Now? Now I’m ohh, 43 pounds away from 199. In one year I gained 30 pounds – that frustrates me like no other.

I say I’m going to do this, and that, and diet and walk and exercise and drink water and stop drinking pop and yada yada yada and it never ever happens. Maybe I’ll do it for a day, but that’s it – kabosh, no more. I cave and order a BLT and Cheesecurds at the local bar and grill for dinner after I did good ALL day.

And today? Today after my doctor appointment, I went to Noodles & Co and got Mac & Cheese and two rustic rolls and then stopped and got a bottle of regular mountain dew when I got to work. Seriously. My excuse? Oh, I’m going to a dietician next Wednesay, I’ll start then. Why not start now? Why not get a head start? No, apparently not all parts of my brain can agree on one thing.

So, the doctor appointment ensued, I told my doctor (whom I absolutely love) all the little quirks and issues that I have been having. She knows me like the back of her hand. When she got into the room she saw the Sleep Study Evaluation form on the little desk where I was sitting. She looks and me and says, “uh oh, what is this?” So, I told her that lately, over the past month or so that Chris has woke me up and told me I had stopped breathing. My grandpa has sleep apnea and my dad has it, however he has never been clinically diagnosed – he just quits breathing in the middle of the night and my mom can’t get him to go to the doctor for a sleep study. So, my doctor was a little upset – not mad upset but upset that she knows I can do better than this, and she knows I can lose weight on my own and eat healthy because I’ve done it before… so, filled out the sleep study form and got my referral and they should be calling me in the next few days to schedule a sleep study. 23 years old with sleep apnea, I’ll be damned.

The next test I had was for my glucose and hemoglobin a1c which are sugar markers for diabetes. I have been having on/off sugar episodes where I pass out if I have too much/not enough sugar… this has been going on for the past few years but I could always regulate it by eating certain things, and it would only happen at most, ever maybe few weeks, maybe once a month or two… now it’s happening at least once a week, and it’s unpleasant. I’ve been using my glucose chewable pills all the time – in fact, I need to get some more in case of it happening again. *knock on wood*. So, I got my blood drawn for that and I’ll be getting those results back in a few weeks.

My next appointment is tomorrow at 11am for a pelvic ultrasound. When I had my miscarriage in 2006, the doctor told me that I had a cyst on my right ovary – it was golf ball size but he told me I didn’t need to worry about it – especially since I have PCOS – so, I didn’t. Until a few months later, in August 2006, my anxiety spiked up and I was convinced I had Ovarian Cancer. I was put on some anti-anxiety meds and after about 6 months, I was able to go off of them and all was fine and dandy – no anxiety, I wasn’t dying, etc. Well, in the past oh, 10 months, my anxiety has been ramped back up again, and in August 2008, I found myself back on meds, and in October 2008, I was back on two medications and in late December 08 I was still taking my two meds, however I had to have one increased from 20mg to 40mg. My anxiety has been an overwhelming factor in my life, sometimes I can control it, sometimes I can’t. This ovarian cyst has been a huge, incredible factor in all of my anxiety – and I have been scared to death to confront my doctor about it for the fact that, “What if it isn’t a cyst, what if it IS a tumor? What if it IS cancer?” I bit the bullet today and told her about it and what it has been doing to my well being. She said, well that’s easy enough – we’ll get you a pelvic ultrasound too. When she did my exam today, she said she couldn’t feel anything worrisome, so that’s a plus – but she said to assure my mind, that I could get the ultrasound. I scheduled that tomorrow at 11am. I want it done and over with – the sooner, the better whether I like it or not.

And my next doctor appointment after tomorrow is next Wednesday at 2pm with a nutritionist. It’s time, it’s time to take charge and really get down to the problems I have with food. I can do it on my own, but this time I think it’s a bit too much – I need medical intervention or something.

So…

Sleep study.
Blood tests for Diabetes.
Pelvic Ultrasound.
Dietician/Nutritionist.

It may be hard, but I finally am facing the truth.